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[19 Sep 2007|08:01am] |
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I'm starting to write this at 7:43AM, after only getting a couple of hours of sleep because I was so uncomfortable. I promise that I won't leave it and come back later to write more. I am determined to finish this before I have to leave for class in forty-five minutes.
I was sick on the weekend. I think I had the flu. It definitely wasn't as bad as it has been in the past, but it was still significant enough to keep me in bed for a couple of days. I don't know if this happens normally, but my back really starts to ache when I get the flu. There's no way to get comfortable. I spent all day in bed on Sunday hoping it would go away. When it didn't, I called my mom, asking her what I should do. She told me she was coming with stuff to help. It was really nice of my mom and dad to drive on a Sunday night at 9PM to bring me stuff. I don't think a lot of parents would do that, so I'm pretty lucky.
I've been putting a lot of thought into my transfer to York. It seems like the right thing to do. So many things can go wrong though. They could not accept all of my credits. I could be unable to find a place to live. I could dislike it as much as I dislike Waterloo. I guess they could not accept me as well. That would be a minor setback too.
The transfer is what I want and what I don't want. I do have a pretty good thing going here at Waterloo, but there's that voice that keeps telling me that I don't belong here. It's hard to say that York is going to be any different, but it's impossible to know that unless I try.
Another thing about Waterloo is that I have met a lot of great people, but I always feel that I would be willing to do more for them than they would be willing to do for me. When I was sick on the weekend, only one person offered to come see me. Nobody knows where I live, it's true, but that just goes to show something else. No one wants to come over to hang out or whatever. Not that I haven't asked or anything. It's just that it feels like I'm doing too much to get nothing in return, you know? This isn't the case with all people. There are two or three that I know would do things that show they care. And I don't mean to sound like I'm the best person out there either. I'm not. Maybe somebody would say the same thing about me. I'd hope not, but it's possible.
I think the loneliness that comes with being sick on the weekend went to my head. I'm sorry if you read this.
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[01 Sep 2007|01:09pm] |
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Why can't I just catch a break?
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| The Greatest Stress |
[17 Jun 2007|05:39pm] |
How, if some day or night a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: "This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more; and there will be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and sigh and everything immeasurably small or great in your life must return to you - all in the same succession and sequence - even this spider and this moonlight between the trees, and even this moment and I myself. The eternal hourglass of existence is turned over and over, and you with it, a dust grain of dust." Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: "You are a god and never have I heard anything more godlike." If this thought gained possession of you, it would change you as you are, or perhaps crush you. The question in each and every thing, "Do you desire this once more and innumerable times more?" would lie upon your actions as the greatest stress. Or how well disposed would you have to be to become to yourself and to life to crave nothing more fervently than this ultimate eternal confirmation and seal?
- Friedrich Nietzsche
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[27 May 2007|03:30am] |
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Soooooooo. The new Tegan and Sara is awesome?
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[07 Jan 2007|04:16pm] |
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"You don't like yourself. But you do admire yourself. It's all you've got, so you cling to it. You're so afraid if you change, you'll lose what makes you special. Being miserable doesn't make you better than anybody else. It just makes you miserable."
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[27 Oct 2006|08:16pm] |
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There is chocolate in my bed.
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[12 Apr 2006|11:17pm] |
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I know I haven't been completely devoted to writing in this over the last eight months. It's not even because I've been busy or anything. I think it might be that I've just outgrown it. I don't even know how else to explain it. But I'll try. If you go to my calendar, you can see how much I've changed -- or how much I haven't changed. Your call on that one. But you can see my ups and downs. I've had this for two years. I got a code from Sandy, two or three months before the change where new users didn't need codes anymore. I didn't even really intend on using it. Which brings me to this:
I don't mean to jump on any bandwagons here by doing this, but I'm officially leaving livejournal. I shouldn't really say leaving. I will still be around -- being creepy and reading/commenting your posts. I really do enjoy reading your posts. There's no way I'd leave that. I suppose I should give you reasons why.
1) It was bound to happen soon. I have recently acquired a new domain name, so I'm quickly working to get that up. I don't know the exact format of it so far, but I do believe it's going to be a blog of sorts. Maybe reviews of various things? Maybe stories? Maybe all of these things. Pictures, of course. I need to get into that habit again as well. I haven't been carrying my camera with me at all. I used to have it in my pocket wherever I went. Not anymore, though. I kind of regret it. If you know me, you know a lot of random stuff happens to me. I like it, really I do. I just want to be able to document it. I feel that this new website will be a fairly good way for people to read up on how I've been doing. And I would be very happy to know that people still read about me, even if I don't post on here anymore. For those who want to visit it when it is up, I will make a post. You can all visit and encourage me and give me all the e-hugs that you want! That would make me feel very good. Thank you.
2) Paul and I have the not-so-secret project that we were working on. We were going to spruce it up, but school has a stranglehold on us and we haven't been able to breathe with its grip on us. The secret side project is located at http://paul-and-ryan.blogspot.com . As of right now, this is where you will find out everything about me. Information about what I've been doing, where I've been at, etc. As I've said before: This is the one stop Paul and Ryan drop.
3) A friend I've known for a long time has approached me with a proposition. The conversation went a little like this:
raith says:
so i have a question
raith says:
do u want to help me with my site?
raith says:
like help me make comics every week
raith says:
and or put up posts
ryan says:
Wow, that sounds pretty cool.
Anyone that knows anything about me, knows what my answer was. And if you don't know much about me, my answer was yes. A very large, resounding yes. I love all these collaborative projects. I really do. They are the best thing in the world. I've already been incorporated into one of his comics. I really like it. It actually looks like a cartoon version of me too. That impressed me. The link is at http://www.kaiosen.net . I'm pretty excited about this. With a capital X.
4) I'm working two jobs this summer. You will no doubt hear about more of this if you read my websites. The jobs are at the bowling alley and at a TV studio. This should be a pretty good summer, I think.
Finally, I'd like to say thank you to everyone I've met on here. I have met so many good friends on here, and lasting relationships. Lisa, Jordan, Toria, Julie, April - people I've met on here that have been solidified as real frienships. I am happy for these friends.
Even the friends that I only know online, that I really wanted to get to know better. Stephanie, Paladin Tony, Meidi, Miriam, Johanna, Ashley - people that I feel that I know, even if I don't physically. I would very much like to keep in touch, MSN, AIM, whatever. Even email if that makes you feel more comfortable.
And especially the people that I already know, and I use this to read about where they are right now and what they are doing. Jesse, Cole, Amanda, Shawn, Paul, Laura, Kayla, Kristin, Mark, Mike, Tabi, Marie, EVERYONE. There are so many more that I can mention. But for the sake of being sappy, I'll stop.
I have been very happy getting to know all of you over the years. There is nothing I can say beyond that. Again, I don't mean to sound sappy or anything like that. But I just wanted everyone to understand how important everyone is to me. Because you are.
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[13 Mar 2006|09:33am] |
Working on the weekend gives me stories.
I have to set this next one up for you. In the summer, this really big loser came in on his 21st birthday. The reason I say that he is a really big loser, is because he came in bragging about how he spent his day watching movies with his parents, to which Armand and I promptly asked him if they were Bambi and Beauty and the Beast. He didn't understand. Then he told us about how his parents bought him an ice cream cake and now they brought him to the arcade to play some games. He kept talking to me about them and I eventually told him that I didn't really care and that he should go play the games. All of this on his 21st birthday. Pleeeeeeease, make sure this doesn't happen to me. Anyway, he came in on Sunday.
He came in with his little brother and they wanted to know how much the new redemption games were, I told them to get tokens from the machine and to put them in the machine. However, this logic seemed to surpass him. I had to got put his money in for him and give him his tokens. And then when they were playing the redemption games, they were cheating. This is the best part. There is a Skeeball game where he stood beside it, reach under and lob it in. He cheated on a basketball game by climbing on it and just dropping the balls in. When he came over to redeem his prizes, he had twelve tickets. If you don't know, that's really bad when spending five dollars. Twelve tickets awarded him with two sour fish candies and half of a pixie stick. I said to him, "That'll steal your dignity." And then him and his brother left. I asked Armand if we could get some lives to put on display for a couple thousand tickets. And cut deals for certain circumstances as these. He is working on it.
This lady came in with her kids during cosmic bowling, but there were no lanes. I told her it would be quite a long time for a wait. She kept coming up to check for a lane, we had her name written down and everything, but she was convinced that we were giving lanes to other people. In actuality, we were just really busy, had birthday parties that needed lanes, etc. I said that she was next on the list behind one other person. And she said, "Well, I was here before them." I said that her name is written after their name. She said that she was here first though. I said, "I'm sorry. That's all I can say." And then she huffed and left with her kids. It made my life a little bit easier.
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[07 Mar 2006|10:01am] |
Build my ego.
Kick me down.
I know I haven't been posting in livejournal much. That's because I've been working on the TOP SECRET PROJECT. It will become public in due time. Don't worry.
I have a test at 2:30. I should maybe study for that. Just maybe. Because I know I won't.
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[03 Mar 2006|02:36pm] |
I'm sick.
This may not mean much to you, but it means a lot to me. Why? My immune system isn't the powerhouse that it once was. I never get sick.
I blame Waterloo.
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[22 Feb 2006|11:22pm] |
I'm not a teenager anymore.
Helloooooo twenties.
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[12 Feb 2006|10:37pm] |
Ugh. I'll update because I have nothing else to do. I don't really have anything to update about either.
I've been doing nothing over the past few days. I've been wanting to get together with people, but they're either too busy or don't care. So whatever. Last night, I went bowling with Aaron and Linda in Kitchener. It was pretty fun. Linda beat us the second game. After she found out how to not lob the ball halfway down the lane. I was even trying to teach her. But she just didn't get it until the second game. On the way there, and on the way back, we were eating those hearts that have the crazy sayings on them. I got one that I thought said, "YOUR GAY". Bad grammar and an insult. Great. It actually said, "YOUR GUY". I don't know if that's better or worse.
While moseying (which is like sashaying, with less of a lisp) down to the cafeteria today, my jacket zipper broke. I'm pretty sad. I need a new winter jacket. I've had this one for five years. That's a long time!
I stopped writing a couple hours ago and then came back to this now. I am finishing this now.
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[06 Feb 2006|10:46pm] |
This institution is driving me crazy. Haha. I like how I said that. Go me.
This is unbelievable. I just got an essay back. I lost marks because my thesis didn't have: "In this paper, I am going to discuss..." An EXPOSITORY ESSAY. Yea, I know.
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[05 Feb 2006|11:51pm] |
For some reason, it always feels like it's been a lot longer between updates. It's actually only been four days. That's not much, really.
Right now, I should be writing an essay. I think that's possibly the sentence that occurs the most in my journal. If there was a decent way to search, I bet it would come up quite a few (dozen) times. Of course, I'm not writing my essay. Instead, I spent time playing Super Mario RPG and sitting here talking to people. This is routine.
Darryl left yesterday. He was the guy that in the room beside me. He didn't do well in his courses, so he withdrew and got all his money back and stuff. He said he wants to start his own hotel. His estimated time to get it up and running was two years. We told him that this was close to impossible. But he doesn't agree. He just wants loans and wants to do it. And we had to explain franchising to him. He thought it was illegal. I'm going to miss Darryl.
My birthday is in eighteen days. I'm not very excited about it. I'm worried. I'm turning twenty. My age will start with a two. I feel as if I'm committing to something. Like I can't go back. I guess I can't. But it's very scary. I don't like the idea.
I was in RCH going to my class the other day, and this girl in front of me had a long thing hanging from her pants. I accidentally stepped on it. Apparently, this was very bad. She immediately started cussing me out and I just stood their apologizing every half second. She just kept swearing. And my back was against a wall and I just kind of walked away quickly. And she yelled something, I ran down the hall into the classroom. I sat in the seat, chanting "don't come in, don't come in, don't come in". She didn't come in. The irony of the whole situation? The lecture that day was on anxiety. ...Yea.
I'm sorry for being completely boring and not having anything interesting to say.
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[01 Feb 2006|08:50am] |
( Okay... )
I'm just wondering where that special teacher's valentine is.
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[01 Feb 2006|12:07am] |
So, apparently people have been making bets on whether they can kiss me or not. These people are guys. I've been told that there are two of them. But I'm sure the number will grow. Now, I'm certainly not a homophobe or anything like that. I just don't like the idea of guys kissing me. It just doesn't sit well with my stomach. They have until the end of term to perform the task. However, there is a twist! They only get their money if I don't beat the crap out of them. They definitely know that I will suplex them through ever floor in this building. The thing is, I don't lose anything in this, so I really just don't care. Either way, someone is (a) getting hurt, (b) losing money.
I had nothing to do with this!
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[30 Jan 2006|11:37am] |
Why do I have to live with such dirts?
Someone took a dump on the floor in the bathroom again.
PS. Erin and I are going to see Stars.
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ryan_is_alone's journal
lethargic
